Outcome #1
In my introduction for the first two drafts didn’t have a personal touch to make this section more relatable. In my final draft, I decided to add that personal touch after a peer mentioned something was missing. That was the biggest change to my introduction between drafts and made me realize that it made my paper stronger. Another difference between my first and second drafts is a title. In my first draft, I didn’t have a title, but in my second and final drafts, I do. Having a title made me realize that I am preparing and giving a sneak peek at what the reader is going to be reading about. It’s better than going in blindly. For my second paragraph in m first draft, I had a long quote from Bloom which was shortened so there wasn’t any unnecessary information or an overload of said information. This helped me realize that sometimes having small quotes can make the message I want to get out clearer. For my conclusion in my first draft, I didn’t fully talk about my definition of empathy instead I talked about Bloom’s, Ma’s, and Jamison’s. So for my second draft, I added more information about how I view the word empathy. I added more details about my own definition but still kept it connected to the other authors that I had chosen. This helped me realize that sometimes I focus too much on the other author’s ideas instead of my own. So now I know to watch out for that because one of the main points of this kind of essay is to express my thoughts on certain matters and to use other authors to support them. Throughout the essay drafts, there were revisions of words, grammar, and sentences. This helped me figure out which words I should use where and better ways to express what I want to say.
Outcome #2
This essay is the best example of how I am able to integrate and state the relationship of my ideas with four other authors. In my second and third paragraphs, I talk about how my definition of empathy relates to Bloom’s definition. I first quote his definition of empathy to be able to show how it relates to my own. Then I shortly talk about his ideas and how they correspond with how I came about my definition of empathy. At the end of paragraph three, I connect Bloom’s and Ma’s definitions and how they clash. Then for my fourth and fifth paragraphs, I relate Ma’s definition to my own just like how I did with Bloom. I even connect Ma’s definition to Bloom’s and how they are similar in certain ways. In paragraph five I talk about how Ma helped with my definition of empathy. For paragraph six I connect Jamison’s view of empathy with Bloom’s, Ma’s, and my own definition. I used a quote to support my claims when I talked about how she has some differences from Bloom and Ma. I connect the chosen quote to how it connects to my own ideas. For paragraphs 2-6 I use textual and specific evidence, explained the relationships of all ideas, talked about how they are all connected and different, and embedded quotes. For paragraph seven I added another idea into the paper to show how Bloom’s, Ma’s, Jamison’s, and my own view of empathy can be used with someone else’s view on the world. Coates’s view of the American school system combined with four other ideas.
Outcome #5
At the beginning of the term, I would choose large portions from the text. Now at the end of the semester, I have used smaller and more reasonable quotations that still support my claims. I have always known what to quote from the readings to support my claims. I have always used quotations marks and citations to credit the authors. I can support this claim in the fourth paragraph of essay #3. I put quotations marks to show that it is from Yo-Yo Ma’s essay. I used parenthetical citation here and throughout my essay wherever there is a quote. This is also shown in paragraphs 2 and 6. Paragraph 2 is Bloom’s quote and paragraph 6 is Jamison’s quote. What I have noticed from the beginning to the end I have a hard time making the works cited. The works cited should’ve been at the end of the essays, but they are not there. Making works cited is something that is an ongoing challenge for me. Another ongoing challenge for me is spelling. I have noticed that I am a better speller than how I was at the beginning of the year, but I know I still have more work to do.
Outcome #6
At the beginning of the semester I had a rough time with grammar in general and use of run-on sentences. I had a rough time knowing where to put commas and how to combine two sentences that should be one. Now at the end of the semester, I have an easier time combing sentences to make them into one. This can be shown by this sentence “Leslie Jamison’s definition combines Ma’s view of seeing a person and yourself in a clear view and Bloom’s view of compassion.” (paragraph 6 final draft). This sentence was originally “Leslie Jamison’s definition combines both Bloom’s and Ma’s definitions. She combines Ma’s view of seeing a person and yourself in a clear view and Bloom’s view of compassion.” (paragraph 6, 2nd rough draft). I feel as though my grammar has gotten better from the beginning of the semester. “Finally, with empathy, schools will be showing these kids that they believe in them and that may just make the kids see that there is something worth learning in school that will help them survive until after college.” (paragraph 7 final draft). This sentence is an example of how different my grammar is from the beginning. At the beginning of the semester, I wouldn’t have known to put the commas where they are.
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